Sigh for July

That was me, a year ago. Well, kinda. It was July 3rd.

I made the mistake of looking through pictures from last year yesterday. Depressing. Look at how skinny I was! And toned! Can you believe I was convinced that I was still fairly flabby then?

I miss that body. A lot. The body I have now is way less hot and is certainly flabby. :( They say 9 months on, 9 off, but since I put on most of my weight the first 3, I think I should be able to take most of it off by then, yeah? Lol. I keep trying to remember that I took off way more than that once, and I can do this again. But it still sucks.

I'm trying to eat 1800 calories a day, but since I've switched to all water all the time, I'm finding that pretty hard most days I'm worried that this might mess with my nursing, but I don't want to force myself to consume more if I'm not hungry. I'm more thirsty, most of the time.

I went for a run yesterday and had to tone it down because I was having heart palpitations. I've had those on and off since this pregnancy ended, and it alarms me, but at the same time, everything I've read suggests that it's probably not a huge deal. Still plan on seeing my doctor soon just to be sure.

I still am torn on the birth control issue. I want a copper IUD, because hormonal birth control makes me fat. But IUDs in general have serious cons, too. I'm confused.

Anyways, look for a picture (for serious this time) at the end of the week, plus stats on where I am.

End of the Week

I know it's not quite the end of the week yet, but I'm going to be pretty busy tomorrow, so here goes.

This week, I have tried to stay around 1800-1900 calories. Not a range that is normally ideal for losing weight, but dipping under 1800 is a bad plan when you're nursing. I've also tried to do some form of exercise every day - mostly running, although I've also done a couple of workout DVDs.

I've also discovered Calorie Count not only is an awesome source for the nutrition facts of everything, but also allows you to create a free account and track your calories, exercise, and weight loss. So that's awesome.

And I switched to drinking primarily water, which is hard on me, because I don't like the taste - or lack thereof - of water.

Anyways.

This morning, when I weighed in I was...drumroll, please...four pounds down from last week. Whoo hoo!

That's kind of a lot for a week, but I think it's because I just started making these changes. In the next couple weeks, my weight loss will probably stabilize, and I'll lose less per week. Calorie Count said I should aim to hit my target by December, but, man, I'm hoping it's earlier than that!

I know I said I was going to do a picture a week, but I'm all grungy today, so I'll post one with my next blog, ok?

Week recap: 26 pounds to pre-pregnancy weight, 36 pounds to goal.

Shopping

I broke a rule the other day.

See, I'm insistent that I am NOT buying new clothes now. I've been limping along in maternity clothes (which are pretty large on me, actually - at least in the bottoms. I've been solving this problem by rolling the pants or using a Bella Band or something.) I feel like buying a new wardrobe gives me permission to stay fat. And I am fat. I'm not morbidly obese or anything, but I am well above where I should be. I've had people tell me I'm not that bad, but they also don't see me naked. :P Also, I'm tall, but fairly small framed, really, at least for my height. So the thirty pounds, while it doesn't look like much to some people, is a lot to me.

Anyways, segue over.

I bought new clothes a few days ago. One outfit. For a job interview. I'm not talking too much about that yet because I really want this job and don't want to jinx it, lol. But I did break my rule to get it, and, as suspected, buying clothes in a larger size sucked.

I have a drawer full of my favorite pre-pregnancy clothes here. They are all around a size 5/6. I look at those clothes probably once a week. Not because I'm *that* anxious to be back to my weight - I know it'll be awhile - but because I inevitably get behind on laundry and search through it in hopes that something will magically accommodate my ass so I can go out. Spoiler alert - that never happens. In fact, I had a couple of pairs of pants that were bigger on me before I got pregnant, and I tried to wear one the other day. I swear, I heard these jeans laughing at me as I tried to pull them up. They wouldn't even go completely over my thighs. It was pretty awful.

But I'm digressing again.

The point is, when I went shopping, I would not fit into a size 5. So I looked around the store, found a couple of dresses - one a size 8, one a size 10 - and tried them on.

I have no idea if they would have fit, because they instantly got stuck on my milk swollen chest.

So that wasn't happening.

I decided that a nice pair of pants and a shirt would be good. Better, even, because Keira is going with me to my interview, and nursing before and after would be much much much easier in a shirt.

I strode down the pants aisle. There were a million adorable pairs! Yay! I grabbed a few that looked about right. And they would have been, was I still skinny. They were a size 5/6 and a 6. Whoops.

I found a couple of pairs in bigger sizes - an 8, a 10, a 12. I held up the 8 and quickly determined that that wasn't happening. The 10 and 12 looked possible.

This sucked. I had sworn to myself, upon hitting my goal weight, that I would never hit double digit sizes ever, ever again. Shit.

Trying them on, I was relieved that the 10s fit well. Not as well as it should have, but the 12s were too big. So 10 it was.

Then I found a shirt. Since I'm nursing, this was an adventure. My breasts have become insane-sized. After muttering lots of expletives under my breath, I finally found one that didn't make me look pregnant or like a porn star. Success!

I even found shoes - the one thing that I'm still the same size in, lol.

I didn't buy anything else, though. I'll have to suck it up and do so if I get this job. But I'm still not buying a lot.

Anyways, after relating that little unhappy adventure to you, here are my plans for today, food and exercise wise. I thought I would go back to WW and eat that way, but, honestly, since I'm nursing, I don't want to get too caught up in counting calories if I can help it. So, my plan is to eat healthy food, when I'm hungry, drink mostly water, and consume very little in the way of sweets. That last part will be the hardest - I'm the girl who would cut a bitch for a Dairy Queen cherry dipped cone. For this reason, I am not totally ridding my life of anything sweet, just cutting them down to one or two treats a week, or eating fruit or something instead.

Today, I've eaten a grilled panini that my mom made, with chicken breast and tons of veggies in it, an oatmeal raisin cookie, and a very small bowl of chicken soup. I've had only water to drink (high fives to me!) I plan on going running later, if it doesn't a)storm like crazy or b)remain so hot that going outside might kill me.

I almost feel like it should count as exercise that I pumped milk with a manual pump. You ever used one of those? Jeez, my arm felt like it was going to fall off! Also, I might have lost 10 pounds in water weight since my house currently feels like it's somewhere between a sauna and the seventh layer of hell. Everyone here is covered in a fine layer of sweat, and the girls are in nothing but diapers and underwear so they don't spontaneously combust.

Well, that's all for today. Look for more tomorrow, and, at the end of the week, I'll post whether I lost or gained and how much. I might even post a picture, so when this is over, I can make the Incredible Shrinking Star flipbook. Then I can sell it, it'll become a bestseller, and I'll be set for life. Lol. ;p

So hi

Some of you are here because you follow my main blog, Car StarRod. Some of you probably saw me pimp this on Twitter or Facebook. And the rest of you, who knows?

I'm Star. A month ago, I became a mother of two. Two gorgeous, wonderful girls. After girl #1's birth, I went from 300+lbs to 135ish. Then, I got knocked up.

I intended to have a super healthy pregnancy. I worked out religiously pre-pregnancy, 6 days a week. I ate a low fat diet full of lean protein, veggies, and whole grains. I had only gained 15 pounds with #1 - this would be the same, I was sure.

Except then I had crippling morning sickness that was only quelled by shoving everything possible in my mouth. And then there was the exercise restriction. And, in the end, I gained 60 pounds.

Sixty. Freaking. Pounds.

So it's been a month, and I have, between the birth and nursing, lost about thirty. I have 30lbs left to my pre-pregnancy weight and 40lbs left to be where I want to be, weight wise. And this blog is my chronicle of it all.

I originally intended to just have some posts on my regular blog, but I figured this would bore the hell out of some of my regular readers.

So, instead, here I am.

I plan to update this often and be unflinching about what I have (or haven't) lost, what I'm eating, doing, etc. You can ridicule me or support me or give me tips. Whatever.

I'll write an official first entry tomorrow. Until then, goodnight!