Shopping

I broke a rule the other day.

See, I'm insistent that I am NOT buying new clothes now. I've been limping along in maternity clothes (which are pretty large on me, actually - at least in the bottoms. I've been solving this problem by rolling the pants or using a Bella Band or something.) I feel like buying a new wardrobe gives me permission to stay fat. And I am fat. I'm not morbidly obese or anything, but I am well above where I should be. I've had people tell me I'm not that bad, but they also don't see me naked. :P Also, I'm tall, but fairly small framed, really, at least for my height. So the thirty pounds, while it doesn't look like much to some people, is a lot to me.

Anyways, segue over.

I bought new clothes a few days ago. One outfit. For a job interview. I'm not talking too much about that yet because I really want this job and don't want to jinx it, lol. But I did break my rule to get it, and, as suspected, buying clothes in a larger size sucked.

I have a drawer full of my favorite pre-pregnancy clothes here. They are all around a size 5/6. I look at those clothes probably once a week. Not because I'm *that* anxious to be back to my weight - I know it'll be awhile - but because I inevitably get behind on laundry and search through it in hopes that something will magically accommodate my ass so I can go out. Spoiler alert - that never happens. In fact, I had a couple of pairs of pants that were bigger on me before I got pregnant, and I tried to wear one the other day. I swear, I heard these jeans laughing at me as I tried to pull them up. They wouldn't even go completely over my thighs. It was pretty awful.

But I'm digressing again.

The point is, when I went shopping, I would not fit into a size 5. So I looked around the store, found a couple of dresses - one a size 8, one a size 10 - and tried them on.

I have no idea if they would have fit, because they instantly got stuck on my milk swollen chest.

So that wasn't happening.

I decided that a nice pair of pants and a shirt would be good. Better, even, because Keira is going with me to my interview, and nursing before and after would be much much much easier in a shirt.

I strode down the pants aisle. There were a million adorable pairs! Yay! I grabbed a few that looked about right. And they would have been, was I still skinny. They were a size 5/6 and a 6. Whoops.

I found a couple of pairs in bigger sizes - an 8, a 10, a 12. I held up the 8 and quickly determined that that wasn't happening. The 10 and 12 looked possible.

This sucked. I had sworn to myself, upon hitting my goal weight, that I would never hit double digit sizes ever, ever again. Shit.

Trying them on, I was relieved that the 10s fit well. Not as well as it should have, but the 12s were too big. So 10 it was.

Then I found a shirt. Since I'm nursing, this was an adventure. My breasts have become insane-sized. After muttering lots of expletives under my breath, I finally found one that didn't make me look pregnant or like a porn star. Success!

I even found shoes - the one thing that I'm still the same size in, lol.

I didn't buy anything else, though. I'll have to suck it up and do so if I get this job. But I'm still not buying a lot.

Anyways, after relating that little unhappy adventure to you, here are my plans for today, food and exercise wise. I thought I would go back to WW and eat that way, but, honestly, since I'm nursing, I don't want to get too caught up in counting calories if I can help it. So, my plan is to eat healthy food, when I'm hungry, drink mostly water, and consume very little in the way of sweets. That last part will be the hardest - I'm the girl who would cut a bitch for a Dairy Queen cherry dipped cone. For this reason, I am not totally ridding my life of anything sweet, just cutting them down to one or two treats a week, or eating fruit or something instead.

Today, I've eaten a grilled panini that my mom made, with chicken breast and tons of veggies in it, an oatmeal raisin cookie, and a very small bowl of chicken soup. I've had only water to drink (high fives to me!) I plan on going running later, if it doesn't a)storm like crazy or b)remain so hot that going outside might kill me.

I almost feel like it should count as exercise that I pumped milk with a manual pump. You ever used one of those? Jeez, my arm felt like it was going to fall off! Also, I might have lost 10 pounds in water weight since my house currently feels like it's somewhere between a sauna and the seventh layer of hell. Everyone here is covered in a fine layer of sweat, and the girls are in nothing but diapers and underwear so they don't spontaneously combust.

Well, that's all for today. Look for more tomorrow, and, at the end of the week, I'll post whether I lost or gained and how much. I might even post a picture, so when this is over, I can make the Incredible Shrinking Star flipbook. Then I can sell it, it'll become a bestseller, and I'll be set for life. Lol. ;p